Canada Food Guide - Revised Edition

Some foods should have their own food group.

Chocolate, for example.

Or bacon. Bacon definitely deserves to be in it's own group.

Pizza covers all 4 food groups, if you get the right kind - meat, bread, veggie and dairy.

Wine is technically in the fruits and veggies group. Beer and most spirits are technically in the starchy foods group.

I'm just saying that a well balanced meal might consist of pizza, with bacon as one of your toppings, a beer, and possibly some chocolate for dessert.

Show me the money!

So, being single, it's tough to meet new people. I don't date from the work pool (not that I work with any single men anyway) and I'm not really into the bar scene. So I joined eHarmony a while back.

As I want the option of communicating with people who interest me, I pay for my membership. Membership is not terribly expensive, and if you pay attention to the promotions, you can get a short term membership really cheap.

There are several men who send icebreakers and such (wink, smile, whatever) for free, and never follow up when you express recipricol interest. The conclusion I draw from this is these are non-paying members hoping you have paid and will send them a message including contact info and an email address.

Seriously? SERIOUSLY??

In my mind, this is the dating website equivilent of asking a girl out then expecting her to pay for the whole tab. (I'm not opposed to going Dutch..) Or sending someone flowers COD.

I'm serious enough about finding a partner that I don't mind paying a small fee to use this website. When I see men trying an end run around the fee part, it makes me wonder if they are so cheap they don't want to pay, if they are not really serious (or worse yet, not really single) or if they just can't afford the $60 for a three month discount membership.

Needless to say, these guys quickly get crossed off the list of possible matches. You might be the greatest guy on the planet, but if you can't make a little effort, you aren't what I'm looking for.

Geography makes all the difference

I can prove that perception can be relative to geographic location.

A guy riding a moped or scooter in Italy is hot.

A guy riding a moped or scooter in Edmonton is not.

Enough said.

When I was your age...

I realize I'm only 33, but a few things have come to my attention lately.

First, my darling niece is two-thirds my age, and has graduated college. Eeep.

Second, the kids who were born the year I graduated high school are now getting their driver's licenses. Yikes.

Third, my best friend's second YOUNGEST child is the same age that she and I were when we met. And I thought it was a shock when her oldest turned five.

I caught myself saying "when I was your age" to my nephew a couple years ago. He was 26 at the time.

I'm turning into my parents. Worse, I'm not really even fighting it, because there are worse things I could be.

AUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

A friend was telling me the other day that he had mocked his father when his dad suggested extra steps to get onto a semi trailer, but now he's finding he needs the extra boost, too. I'd have mocked him, except that he's almost 4 years younger than me. I'm grateful I have running boards on my truck.

A piece of wisdom floated across my desk the other day - "The best things about the good old days is I wasn't good and I wasn't old." Truer words have never been spoken. Or if they have, I don't remember them ;)

Back off - get your own sandwich

I am I packrat. Yes, I can hear my friends gasp in simulated shock whilst pasting surprised expressions on their faces. It’s true, though, and I get the packrat gene from both my mom and my dad, so I’m really doomed. I do try to keep it under control and somewhat organized. I will never be one of those people with the last 40 years worth of newspapers piled up in my hallway.

Where I am I going with this? Well, my packrat gene is the same thing that causes me to carry a pharmacy in my purse and keep a drawer of inappropriate starches (“Dollhouse” fans will recognize the reference) in my desk at work. Hey, you never know when you might be accidentally trapped in your office by hoardes of drooling zombies. It also causes me to pack an excessive amount of camping gear for almost any occasion.

That being said, people who never have anything useful to contribute irritate me. It’s okay if you run out of Advil or Halls and need to get some from me. I’m willing to do a snack food exchange if your chocolate granola bar doesn’t appeal to you but my bag of baby carrots does (yeah, cuz THAT ever happens). We do not need six bottles of ketchup, mustard and relish when camping. Well, maybe mustard.

I recall a camping trip once upon a time where one participant showed up with nothing. No tent, no bed, no sleeping bag, no food. Figured he’d “borrow”. Yeah, that’s great, except that I brought enough bedding to keep ME warm and comfortable, and I don’t intend to freeze because someone can’t plan, or at least call ahead and ask us to bring extra everything. I have no problem sharing my tent, it being huge and all (though it is common courtesy to ASK me rather than assume.) I do draw the line about sharing a bed – I’m pretty picky when it comes to bed mates, and like to chose those myself, rather than have them foisted off onto me. We ALWAYS pack way too much food, so sharing there isn’t really a problem. Beer, on the other hand, is sometimes grossly miscalculated – you might intend to only have a couple, but after the first six, who’s counting? And running out of beer because some freeloader didn’t bring anything but attitude is sure to irritate me. Who in their right mind shows up to camp empty handed (and then doesn’t even bother to pitch in on the cost of firewood or campsite)??

I also get a little cranky the same person is constantly dropping by to borrow drugs (Advil, Asprin, Contact C, Halls, Imodium, Pepcid AC Ex-lax and Gas-X, and that’s only since the beginning of the year) or bum munchies off me (I got smart fast – after the first 3 times, I started saying I didn’t have anything and I lock my desk when I’m out).

I thought sharing was a basic playground rule established early on. How do some segments of society actually wander around all day believing they are entitled to just take take take and never contribute anything back?

Bridge for Sale…

I like email, I really do. Great jokes, good tips, interesting advice. I try to be selective about what I forward to my friends.

When I get a sob story about some kid dying of cancer and Bill Gates is going to donate 10 cents every time the email is forwarded, I actually want to reach through cyberspace and smack someone for being a gullible idiot.

There is a website called Snopes, www.snopes.com. It’s an urban legend myth-busting site that has a vast library of scams, hoaxes and lies that circulate by email. Do everyone a favor…when you get an email that says “Cough to stop a heart attack” or “Starbucks is unpatriotic”, take two seconds to find out whether it’s fact or fiction before you hit forward. If it’s fact, great! If it’s fiction, send a reply to the person you got the email from and tell them, too.

Some of this stuff is a matter of common sense – yes, women get attacked in dark parking lots at night. Always have your keys at the ready, pay attention to your surroundings and don’t give rides to strangers. Duh. But weird guys using drug soaked business cards to knock out drivers and steal their lives/cars/money at large gas stations? Please – large gas stations have cameras and people around. Not the ideal setting for an ambitious criminal.

As for emails asking for your bank or credit card information, requesting your help to get some money out of Nigeria or offering to share an inheritance with you, for a small processing “fee”… if you or someone you know have actually fallen for something like that, please give me a call. I have this great investment opportunity on Arizona oceanfront condos.