I can prove that perception can be relative to geographic location.
A guy riding a moped or scooter in Italy is hot.
A guy riding a moped or scooter in Edmonton is not.
Enough said.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
When I was your age...
I realize I'm only 33, but a few things have come to my attention lately.
First, my darling niece is two-thirds my age, and has graduated college. Eeep.
Second, the kids who were born the year I graduated high school are now getting their driver's licenses. Yikes.
Third, my best friend's second YOUNGEST child is the same age that she and I were when we met. And I thought it was a shock when her oldest turned five.
I caught myself saying "when I was your age" to my nephew a couple years ago. He was 26 at the time.
I'm turning into my parents. Worse, I'm not really even fighting it, because there are worse things I could be.
AUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
A friend was telling me the other day that he had mocked his father when his dad suggested extra steps to get onto a semi trailer, but now he's finding he needs the extra boost, too. I'd have mocked him, except that he's almost 4 years younger than me. I'm grateful I have running boards on my truck.
A piece of wisdom floated across my desk the other day - "The best things about the good old days is I wasn't good and I wasn't old." Truer words have never been spoken. Or if they have, I don't remember them ;)
First, my darling niece is two-thirds my age, and has graduated college. Eeep.
Second, the kids who were born the year I graduated high school are now getting their driver's licenses. Yikes.
Third, my best friend's second YOUNGEST child is the same age that she and I were when we met. And I thought it was a shock when her oldest turned five.
I caught myself saying "when I was your age" to my nephew a couple years ago. He was 26 at the time.
I'm turning into my parents. Worse, I'm not really even fighting it, because there are worse things I could be.
AUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
A friend was telling me the other day that he had mocked his father when his dad suggested extra steps to get onto a semi trailer, but now he's finding he needs the extra boost, too. I'd have mocked him, except that he's almost 4 years younger than me. I'm grateful I have running boards on my truck.
A piece of wisdom floated across my desk the other day - "The best things about the good old days is I wasn't good and I wasn't old." Truer words have never been spoken. Or if they have, I don't remember them ;)
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Back off - get your own sandwich
I am I packrat. Yes, I can hear my friends gasp in simulated shock whilst pasting surprised expressions on their faces. It’s true, though, and I get the packrat gene from both my mom and my dad, so I’m really doomed. I do try to keep it under control and somewhat organized. I will never be one of those people with the last 40 years worth of newspapers piled up in my hallway.
Where I am I going with this? Well, my packrat gene is the same thing that causes me to carry a pharmacy in my purse and keep a drawer of inappropriate starches (“Dollhouse” fans will recognize the reference) in my desk at work. Hey, you never know when you might be accidentally trapped in your office by hoardes of drooling zombies. It also causes me to pack an excessive amount of camping gear for almost any occasion.
That being said, people who never have anything useful to contribute irritate me. It’s okay if you run out of Advil or Halls and need to get some from me. I’m willing to do a snack food exchange if your chocolate granola bar doesn’t appeal to you but my bag of baby carrots does (yeah, cuz THAT ever happens). We do not need six bottles of ketchup, mustard and relish when camping. Well, maybe mustard.
I recall a camping trip once upon a time where one participant showed up with nothing. No tent, no bed, no sleeping bag, no food. Figured he’d “borrow”. Yeah, that’s great, except that I brought enough bedding to keep ME warm and comfortable, and I don’t intend to freeze because someone can’t plan, or at least call ahead and ask us to bring extra everything. I have no problem sharing my tent, it being huge and all (though it is common courtesy to ASK me rather than assume.) I do draw the line about sharing a bed – I’m pretty picky when it comes to bed mates, and like to chose those myself, rather than have them foisted off onto me. We ALWAYS pack way too much food, so sharing there isn’t really a problem. Beer, on the other hand, is sometimes grossly miscalculated – you might intend to only have a couple, but after the first six, who’s counting? And running out of beer because some freeloader didn’t bring anything but attitude is sure to irritate me. Who in their right mind shows up to camp empty handed (and then doesn’t even bother to pitch in on the cost of firewood or campsite)??
I also get a little cranky the same person is constantly dropping by to borrow drugs (Advil, Asprin, Contact C, Halls, Imodium, Pepcid AC Ex-lax and Gas-X, and that’s only since the beginning of the year) or bum munchies off me (I got smart fast – after the first 3 times, I started saying I didn’t have anything and I lock my desk when I’m out).
I thought sharing was a basic playground rule established early on. How do some segments of society actually wander around all day believing they are entitled to just take take take and never contribute anything back?
Where I am I going with this? Well, my packrat gene is the same thing that causes me to carry a pharmacy in my purse and keep a drawer of inappropriate starches (“Dollhouse” fans will recognize the reference) in my desk at work. Hey, you never know when you might be accidentally trapped in your office by hoardes of drooling zombies. It also causes me to pack an excessive amount of camping gear for almost any occasion.
That being said, people who never have anything useful to contribute irritate me. It’s okay if you run out of Advil or Halls and need to get some from me. I’m willing to do a snack food exchange if your chocolate granola bar doesn’t appeal to you but my bag of baby carrots does (yeah, cuz THAT ever happens). We do not need six bottles of ketchup, mustard and relish when camping. Well, maybe mustard.
I recall a camping trip once upon a time where one participant showed up with nothing. No tent, no bed, no sleeping bag, no food. Figured he’d “borrow”. Yeah, that’s great, except that I brought enough bedding to keep ME warm and comfortable, and I don’t intend to freeze because someone can’t plan, or at least call ahead and ask us to bring extra everything. I have no problem sharing my tent, it being huge and all (though it is common courtesy to ASK me rather than assume.) I do draw the line about sharing a bed – I’m pretty picky when it comes to bed mates, and like to chose those myself, rather than have them foisted off onto me. We ALWAYS pack way too much food, so sharing there isn’t really a problem. Beer, on the other hand, is sometimes grossly miscalculated – you might intend to only have a couple, but after the first six, who’s counting? And running out of beer because some freeloader didn’t bring anything but attitude is sure to irritate me. Who in their right mind shows up to camp empty handed (and then doesn’t even bother to pitch in on the cost of firewood or campsite)??
I also get a little cranky the same person is constantly dropping by to borrow drugs (Advil, Asprin, Contact C, Halls, Imodium, Pepcid AC Ex-lax and Gas-X, and that’s only since the beginning of the year) or bum munchies off me (I got smart fast – after the first 3 times, I started saying I didn’t have anything and I lock my desk when I’m out).
I thought sharing was a basic playground rule established early on. How do some segments of society actually wander around all day believing they are entitled to just take take take and never contribute anything back?
Monday, April 6, 2009
Bridge for Sale…
I like email, I really do. Great jokes, good tips, interesting advice. I try to be selective about what I forward to my friends.
When I get a sob story about some kid dying of cancer and Bill Gates is going to donate 10 cents every time the email is forwarded, I actually want to reach through cyberspace and smack someone for being a gullible idiot.
There is a website called Snopes, www.snopes.com. It’s an urban legend myth-busting site that has a vast library of scams, hoaxes and lies that circulate by email. Do everyone a favor…when you get an email that says “Cough to stop a heart attack” or “Starbucks is unpatriotic”, take two seconds to find out whether it’s fact or fiction before you hit forward. If it’s fact, great! If it’s fiction, send a reply to the person you got the email from and tell them, too.
Some of this stuff is a matter of common sense – yes, women get attacked in dark parking lots at night. Always have your keys at the ready, pay attention to your surroundings and don’t give rides to strangers. Duh. But weird guys using drug soaked business cards to knock out drivers and steal their lives/cars/money at large gas stations? Please – large gas stations have cameras and people around. Not the ideal setting for an ambitious criminal.
As for emails asking for your bank or credit card information, requesting your help to get some money out of Nigeria or offering to share an inheritance with you, for a small processing “fee”… if you or someone you know have actually fallen for something like that, please give me a call. I have this great investment opportunity on Arizona oceanfront condos.
When I get a sob story about some kid dying of cancer and Bill Gates is going to donate 10 cents every time the email is forwarded, I actually want to reach through cyberspace and smack someone for being a gullible idiot.
There is a website called Snopes, www.snopes.com. It’s an urban legend myth-busting site that has a vast library of scams, hoaxes and lies that circulate by email. Do everyone a favor…when you get an email that says “Cough to stop a heart attack” or “Starbucks is unpatriotic”, take two seconds to find out whether it’s fact or fiction before you hit forward. If it’s fact, great! If it’s fiction, send a reply to the person you got the email from and tell them, too.
Some of this stuff is a matter of common sense – yes, women get attacked in dark parking lots at night. Always have your keys at the ready, pay attention to your surroundings and don’t give rides to strangers. Duh. But weird guys using drug soaked business cards to knock out drivers and steal their lives/cars/money at large gas stations? Please – large gas stations have cameras and people around. Not the ideal setting for an ambitious criminal.
As for emails asking for your bank or credit card information, requesting your help to get some money out of Nigeria or offering to share an inheritance with you, for a small processing “fee”… if you or someone you know have actually fallen for something like that, please give me a call. I have this great investment opportunity on Arizona oceanfront condos.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Life is a one-way trip...
Someone called me brave last night. Hey, I've been called worse, but I was quick to correct him by pointing out that bravery and drunken foolishness are often confused, but I was flattered none-the-less.
I was at my friend Rob's company Christmas party, and the DJ was also a karaoke host, so people could sign up to sing stuff (or sign their cowokers/competing departments up to sing stuff). It was a hoot. Towards the end of the evening, after massacring several songs each and a couple duets, Rob and I opted to do Paradise by the Dashboard Lights (sorry Meatloaf). Which is when the "brave" comment came out. And that got me thinking...
It didn't cross my mind that it would take courage to get up there and sing. After all, it was a small, non-judgmental group who had consumed a lot of booze. It's just that at the end of my life, I don't want to get to the Pearly Gates and have St. Peter ask me "Remember that karaoke party back in 2008? Did you want to sing something? Well, since you did, why didn't you?" Fear isn't a good reason.
I don't want to be the girl that looks at other people and says "I wish I could be that brave". It's not bravery. It's that I want to have these experiences, I want to try stuff and do stuff and learn stuff, and if that means butchering Eminem's Slim Shady song, then at least I can laugh at myself for doing it, and my friends can laugh at me for doing it. And because they're my friends, they laugh in the good way, and then pick a song to butcher themselves, and on we go.
If you make one New Year's resolution this year, one promise to yourself, make it that you will try one thing, even a small thing, that you have always admired someone else for doing.
We only get one shot at life, ladies and gentlemen. At the end of it, if anyone says to me "Did you do everything you wanted?" I want to be able to answer, "No sir, but not because I didn't try, only because I kept finding new things to do!"
I was at my friend Rob's company Christmas party, and the DJ was also a karaoke host, so people could sign up to sing stuff (or sign their cowokers/competing departments up to sing stuff). It was a hoot. Towards the end of the evening, after massacring several songs each and a couple duets, Rob and I opted to do Paradise by the Dashboard Lights (sorry Meatloaf). Which is when the "brave" comment came out. And that got me thinking...
It didn't cross my mind that it would take courage to get up there and sing. After all, it was a small, non-judgmental group who had consumed a lot of booze. It's just that at the end of my life, I don't want to get to the Pearly Gates and have St. Peter ask me "Remember that karaoke party back in 2008? Did you want to sing something? Well, since you did, why didn't you?" Fear isn't a good reason.
I don't want to be the girl that looks at other people and says "I wish I could be that brave". It's not bravery. It's that I want to have these experiences, I want to try stuff and do stuff and learn stuff, and if that means butchering Eminem's Slim Shady song, then at least I can laugh at myself for doing it, and my friends can laugh at me for doing it. And because they're my friends, they laugh in the good way, and then pick a song to butcher themselves, and on we go.
If you make one New Year's resolution this year, one promise to yourself, make it that you will try one thing, even a small thing, that you have always admired someone else for doing.
We only get one shot at life, ladies and gentlemen. At the end of it, if anyone says to me "Did you do everything you wanted?" I want to be able to answer, "No sir, but not because I didn't try, only because I kept finding new things to do!"
Friday, October 3, 2008
Random Entertainment
It's been a while since I've posted anything, and while I have a few thousand options circling in my brain looking for a way out, they will have to wait. In recent weeks I've seen a number of amusing statements on bumper stickers and t-shirts, and I think they're worth posting. What with this being MY blog, I'm gonna post them!
Got one you think belongs here? Let me know, if I agree, I'll post it too!
- I don't mind coming to work, but that eight hour wait to go home is a bitch.
- Your garden club called. Their ho' is missing.
- Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken.
- Deja Moo - the feeling you've heard this bullshit before.
- I didn't say it was your fault. I said I'm going to BLAME you.
- Well behaved women seldom make history.
- When your gecko is broken, you have a reptile dysfunction.
- I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to eat vegetables.
- Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
- There is plenty of room for all God's creatures. Right next to the mashed potatoes.
- I'd tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don't want to see you every day.
And my personal favorite:
- If you're gonna ride my ass that hard, you could at least pull my hair.
Got one you think belongs here? Let me know, if I agree, I'll post it too!
- I don't mind coming to work, but that eight hour wait to go home is a bitch.
- Your garden club called. Their ho' is missing.
- Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken.
- Deja Moo - the feeling you've heard this bullshit before.
- I didn't say it was your fault. I said I'm going to BLAME you.
- Well behaved women seldom make history.
- When your gecko is broken, you have a reptile dysfunction.
- I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to eat vegetables.
- Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
- There is plenty of room for all God's creatures. Right next to the mashed potatoes.
- I'd tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don't want to see you every day.
And my personal favorite:
- If you're gonna ride my ass that hard, you could at least pull my hair.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Why Pick on the Fat Girl?
Having just seen a movie with a fat girl as a supporting actress who plays a sterotypical fat girl (on a diet, trying to get into a smaller bridesmaids dress, manages to, until she sits down and splits the dress), I have to ask, why does the fat girl always get the short straw? If Star Trek had two expendable people on an away team, and one was a fat girl, the fat girl would die first, in a horrible and possibly funny fashion. The fat girl never wins.
Take Criminal Minds, one of my favorite TV shows. Penelope Garcia, played by actress Kirsten Vangsness, is not a tiny little thing. She's also not Rosanne Barr. She's average height and somewhat statuesque - a lovely woman, actually. Kirsten herself is not exactly a mainstream fashionista, but rather goes for "clothes that make her happy". She's got her own sense of style and self, and she has overcome adolescent shyness to be an actress I admire. Bravo. Her character, Garcia is the cyber-wiz of the FBI criminal profiling unit. She's a genius with a computer, and comes across as bold, witty and fun. Her blonde hair sometimes involves pink streaks. I wish I could be so bold. She'd be a hoot to party with.
Garcia has a great relationship with another character, Derek. (And both actors are friends off-set, as well) They flirt, they laugh, you kind of get the sense of maybe she has a crush on him, that maybe it might go somewhere some day. You never saw an insecure side to this girl. Until last fall. An episode started out with Garcia in a coffee shop, where a hot guy is having computer problems. She helps him out, he kind of hits on her and asks her if he can buy her dinner to say thanks. And I thought, hey, cool! She tells her buddy Derek, and he's cautious, rains on her parade, and she snaps on him. Kind of lays it out - "dude, you flirt with me, and don't do anything about it. I'm not the kind of girl that this usually happens to, so back off and let me have a moment, he's just saying thank you, but leave me to enjoy it". And I thought, you go girl! Show Derek what he's missing! This could be the start of something beyond friendship.
About half-way through the episode, I started thinking, uh oh. Something's hinky. This guy isn't what he seems. But, Garcia goes out with Hot Coffee Guy, he buys her dinner, walks her to her front step, gives her a kiss good night. He starts to walk away, turns around, and shoots her. WTF?? Why can't the fat girl get a break? Ya know, I don't even think this woman is in the plus sizes, she's just not a size 2. So why is it that she gets set up with the psycho? One of the skinny chicks on the show could have had a bad date. Why do they take a strong girl, who up until this episode has been happy with herself, and turn it around so that, if she hadn't been so desperate to believe that a hot guy could go for a chick like her, she wouldn't have been so blind about this guy and wouldn't be in the hospital fighting for her life. Now, the reasons for this all do with story line, but it bothers me that they played on insecuries that, up to this episode, had been non-existent.
It gets worse. The guy who takes over for Garcia while she's recovering is this completely nerdy geek, sort of cute around the edges but so utterly goofy he belongs on reality TV. And I though, oh, no. I'm gonna be some pissed off if she comes back to this guy in her computer lab AND FALLS FOR HIM. Guess what? Yup. So, the fat chick gets the nerd with the pocket protector. Not only falls for the guy, but becomes more stupidly moony over this guy than any other character in love on any other TV show I've seen.
Hey, I get that Brad Pitt isn't going to call any time soon. I also understand that I'm not exactly pin-up fantasy material. Frankly, I don't usually date pin-up fantasy material, either. But to imply that a hot guy can't find a chubby girl attractive is utter crap. I guess I'm just disappointed that one of my favorite shows fell into the fat girl stereotype. Shame!
Take Criminal Minds, one of my favorite TV shows. Penelope Garcia, played by actress Kirsten Vangsness, is not a tiny little thing. She's also not Rosanne Barr. She's average height and somewhat statuesque - a lovely woman, actually. Kirsten herself is not exactly a mainstream fashionista, but rather goes for "clothes that make her happy". She's got her own sense of style and self, and she has overcome adolescent shyness to be an actress I admire. Bravo. Her character, Garcia is the cyber-wiz of the FBI criminal profiling unit. She's a genius with a computer, and comes across as bold, witty and fun. Her blonde hair sometimes involves pink streaks. I wish I could be so bold. She'd be a hoot to party with.
Garcia has a great relationship with another character, Derek. (And both actors are friends off-set, as well) They flirt, they laugh, you kind of get the sense of maybe she has a crush on him, that maybe it might go somewhere some day. You never saw an insecure side to this girl. Until last fall. An episode started out with Garcia in a coffee shop, where a hot guy is having computer problems. She helps him out, he kind of hits on her and asks her if he can buy her dinner to say thanks. And I thought, hey, cool! She tells her buddy Derek, and he's cautious, rains on her parade, and she snaps on him. Kind of lays it out - "dude, you flirt with me, and don't do anything about it. I'm not the kind of girl that this usually happens to, so back off and let me have a moment, he's just saying thank you, but leave me to enjoy it". And I thought, you go girl! Show Derek what he's missing! This could be the start of something beyond friendship.
About half-way through the episode, I started thinking, uh oh. Something's hinky. This guy isn't what he seems. But, Garcia goes out with Hot Coffee Guy, he buys her dinner, walks her to her front step, gives her a kiss good night. He starts to walk away, turns around, and shoots her. WTF?? Why can't the fat girl get a break? Ya know, I don't even think this woman is in the plus sizes, she's just not a size 2. So why is it that she gets set up with the psycho? One of the skinny chicks on the show could have had a bad date. Why do they take a strong girl, who up until this episode has been happy with herself, and turn it around so that, if she hadn't been so desperate to believe that a hot guy could go for a chick like her, she wouldn't have been so blind about this guy and wouldn't be in the hospital fighting for her life. Now, the reasons for this all do with story line, but it bothers me that they played on insecuries that, up to this episode, had been non-existent.
It gets worse. The guy who takes over for Garcia while she's recovering is this completely nerdy geek, sort of cute around the edges but so utterly goofy he belongs on reality TV. And I though, oh, no. I'm gonna be some pissed off if she comes back to this guy in her computer lab AND FALLS FOR HIM. Guess what? Yup. So, the fat chick gets the nerd with the pocket protector. Not only falls for the guy, but becomes more stupidly moony over this guy than any other character in love on any other TV show I've seen.
Hey, I get that Brad Pitt isn't going to call any time soon. I also understand that I'm not exactly pin-up fantasy material. Frankly, I don't usually date pin-up fantasy material, either. But to imply that a hot guy can't find a chubby girl attractive is utter crap. I guess I'm just disappointed that one of my favorite shows fell into the fat girl stereotype. Shame!
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