Life is a one-way trip...

Someone called me brave last night. Hey, I've been called worse, but I was quick to correct him by pointing out that bravery and drunken foolishness are often confused, but I was flattered none-the-less.

I was at my friend Rob's company Christmas party, and the DJ was also a karaoke host, so people could sign up to sing stuff (or sign their cowokers/competing departments up to sing stuff). It was a hoot. Towards the end of the evening, after massacring several songs each and a couple duets, Rob and I opted to do Paradise by the Dashboard Lights (sorry Meatloaf). Which is when the "brave" comment came out. And that got me thinking...

It didn't cross my mind that it would take courage to get up there and sing. After all, it was a small, non-judgmental group who had consumed a lot of booze. It's just that at the end of my life, I don't want to get to the Pearly Gates and have St. Peter ask me "Remember that karaoke party back in 2008? Did you want to sing something? Well, since you did, why didn't you?" Fear isn't a good reason.

I don't want to be the girl that looks at other people and says "I wish I could be that brave". It's not bravery. It's that I want to have these experiences, I want to try stuff and do stuff and learn stuff, and if that means butchering Eminem's Slim Shady song, then at least I can laugh at myself for doing it, and my friends can laugh at me for doing it. And because they're my friends, they laugh in the good way, and then pick a song to butcher themselves, and on we go.

If you make one New Year's resolution this year, one promise to yourself, make it that you will try one thing, even a small thing, that you have always admired someone else for doing.

We only get one shot at life, ladies and gentlemen. At the end of it, if anyone says to me "Did you do everything you wanted?" I want to be able to answer, "No sir, but not because I didn't try, only because I kept finding new things to do!"

Random Entertainment

It's been a while since I've posted anything, and while I have a few thousand options circling in my brain looking for a way out, they will have to wait. In recent weeks I've seen a number of amusing statements on bumper stickers and t-shirts, and I think they're worth posting. What with this being MY blog, I'm gonna post them!

Got one you think belongs here? Let me know, if I agree, I'll post it too!

- I don't mind coming to work, but that eight hour wait to go home is a bitch.
- Your garden club called. Their ho' is missing.
- Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken.
- Deja Moo - the feeling you've heard this bullshit before.
- I didn't say it was your fault. I said I'm going to BLAME you.
- Well behaved women seldom make history.
- When your gecko is broken, you have a reptile dysfunction.
- I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to eat vegetables.
- Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
- There is plenty of room for all God's creatures. Right next to the mashed potatoes.
- I'd tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don't want to see you every day.

And my personal favorite:

- If you're gonna ride my ass that hard, you could at least pull my hair.

Why Pick on the Fat Girl?

Having just seen a movie with a fat girl as a supporting actress who plays a sterotypical fat girl (on a diet, trying to get into a smaller bridesmaids dress, manages to, until she sits down and splits the dress), I have to ask, why does the fat girl always get the short straw? If Star Trek had two expendable people on an away team, and one was a fat girl, the fat girl would die first, in a horrible and possibly funny fashion. The fat girl never wins.

Take Criminal Minds, one of my favorite TV shows. Penelope Garcia, played by actress Kirsten Vangsness, is not a tiny little thing. She's also not Rosanne Barr. She's average height and somewhat statuesque - a lovely woman, actually. Kirsten herself is not exactly a mainstream fashionista, but rather goes for "clothes that make her happy". She's got her own sense of style and self, and she has overcome adolescent shyness to be an actress I admire. Bravo. Her character, Garcia is the cyber-wiz of the FBI criminal profiling unit. She's a genius with a computer, and comes across as bold, witty and fun. Her blonde hair sometimes involves pink streaks. I wish I could be so bold. She'd be a hoot to party with.

Garcia has a great relationship with another character, Derek. (And both actors are friends off-set, as well) They flirt, they laugh, you kind of get the sense of maybe she has a crush on him, that maybe it might go somewhere some day. You never saw an insecure side to this girl. Until last fall. An episode started out with Garcia in a coffee shop, where a hot guy is having computer problems. She helps him out, he kind of hits on her and asks her if he can buy her dinner to say thanks. And I thought, hey, cool! She tells her buddy Derek, and he's cautious, rains on her parade, and she snaps on him. Kind of lays it out - "dude, you flirt with me, and don't do anything about it. I'm not the kind of girl that this usually happens to, so back off and let me have a moment, he's just saying thank you, but leave me to enjoy it". And I thought, you go girl! Show Derek what he's missing! This could be the start of something beyond friendship.

About half-way through the episode, I started thinking, uh oh. Something's hinky. This guy isn't what he seems. But, Garcia goes out with Hot Coffee Guy, he buys her dinner, walks her to her front step, gives her a kiss good night. He starts to walk away, turns around, and shoots her. WTF?? Why can't the fat girl get a break? Ya know, I don't even think this woman is in the plus sizes, she's just not a size 2. So why is it that she gets set up with the psycho? One of the skinny chicks on the show could have had a bad date. Why do they take a strong girl, who up until this episode has been happy with herself, and turn it around so that, if she hadn't been so desperate to believe that a hot guy could go for a chick like her, she wouldn't have been so blind about this guy and wouldn't be in the hospital fighting for her life. Now, the reasons for this all do with story line, but it bothers me that they played on insecuries that, up to this episode, had been non-existent.

It gets worse. The guy who takes over for Garcia while she's recovering is this completely nerdy geek, sort of cute around the edges but so utterly goofy he belongs on reality TV. And I though, oh, no. I'm gonna be some pissed off if she comes back to this guy in her computer lab AND FALLS FOR HIM. Guess what? Yup. So, the fat chick gets the nerd with the pocket protector. Not only falls for the guy, but becomes more stupidly moony over this guy than any other character in love on any other TV show I've seen.

Hey, I get that Brad Pitt isn't going to call any time soon. I also understand that I'm not exactly pin-up fantasy material. Frankly, I don't usually date pin-up fantasy material, either. But to imply that a hot guy can't find a chubby girl attractive is utter crap. I guess I'm just disappointed that one of my favorite shows fell into the fat girl stereotype. Shame!

Government Gone Wrong

Oh. My. God.

The Office of Government Commerce, or OGC, is the treasury branch of the UK government. Some brainwave in a design firm in London came up with a great new logo, seen here:


They put this logo on mousepads, coffee cups, all sorts of promotional material. It cost them 14,000 Pounds just to have the logo designed. That's only about $30,000 CDN, for anyone who's interested in the conversion.

For the cost involved, you'd think they would be more...thorough. Obviously, they didn't look at this from all angles. If you turn that baby on its side, you get an entirely different logo:


I believe this is actually a much more accurate representation of any government department, regardless of country.

In the meantime, I'll bet employees are selling stuff with this logo on eBay. I'm going shopping!

Life is a Highway...

I wanna ride all night long.















Ideally, while staying between the lines and rubber side down.

Actually, I find something very comforting about driving at night, especially somewhat late at night, with very little other traffic out there. There a peace to be found on the road at these times, a sense that I could just keep driving. For me it's a time of contemplation, where the journey is way more important than my ultimate destination, and it's just me and my out-of-tune CD sing-a-long. No worries, no cares. Some of the best trips have been these late night excusions - by myself, with friends, or a love. Whatever. These kind of moments are what I live for.

I love having the freedom to pull over on some side road and get out of the truck and watch the Northern Lights dance, like I did the night I wandered out into the middle of Highway 43 to take this picture. Driving with the light of a full moon rocks, too, with or without snow to reflect the cold fire of the moonlight.

I'm always just a little disappointed when I get where I'm going. Happy to get there safe, sad that the road ends. May all your journeys be this much fun.

All Things in Moderation

My new year's resolution was to lose weight, and to do this, I've joined Weightwatchers to help with the diet and Curves to help with the exercise. Thanks to the glorious rear-end collision in early March, the gym has been put on hold, but the diet is going.. well.. not strong, but still going.

I'm overweight, and the reason for that is simple mathematics. From 1998 to 2008 - a whole 10 years - I have eaten more calories than I have expended. The weight gain has been slow, and somewhat yo-yo like in the past couple years. I started out around 140 pounds, when I first moved to Edmonton in 1997. At my heaviest, in 2000, I was more than 280 (how much more, I don't know. I avoided the scale.)

My name is Robbi, and I am a chocaholic. I love food. This is partly nature and partly nuture. (No, Mom and Dad, I'm not blaming you. Read on.)

I am genetically hardwired to love food. And I am what is known as an "easy keeper". I can pack on weight just SMELLING French fries.

Growing up, food was both comfort and reward. A scraped knee might be treated with a band-aid and ice cream. A good report card could mean dinner at my favorite restaurant. My mom is a great cook, but her baking could tempt a saint. Mom makes butter tarts to die for. Her black forest cake is soaked in cherry whiskey and covered with real whipped cream and chocolate. Even her fruitcake is good!

Some of my fondest memories (even recent ones!) involve food. Each birthday meant a homemade shaped birthday cake with buttercream frosting - I recall Mickey Mouse, Holly Hobby, Garfield, a rainbow, a horseshoe (darned useful U-shaped pan, that one), a Smurf, and several others. Yummy!

Road trips meant toast and coffee on the road and usually lunch or dinner at a truck stop - I have never met truck stop food I didn't like. Camping meant smokies and smores over an open fire, and mac and cheese cooked in a pot on a Coleman gas stove somehow tastes better.

So, what to do? These days I'm still finding reward and comfort in food. I'm just making different choices - berries and yogurt soothe skinned knees just as well as a cookie, and my niece had an angelfood cake with strawberries for her birthday that was pretty tasty indeed. There will still be summer smokies over campfires, but I think I'll limit my intake.

I wouldn't trade those childhood memories of food for anything. Fighting the battle of the bulge might be easier if the war wasn't being waged on so many different fronts, but it also wouldn't be nearly as interesting.

Tag, I'm It

Amber tagged me with this.. sigh.. order to list 6 non-important things/habits/quirks about me. They are:

1. I'm a nail biter with no interest in quitting.

2. I have a phobia about bees/wasps/hornets. It's a deepseated thing from my childhood, but it's getting better.

3. I don't like olives. But I keep trying them in the hopes that might change some day.

4. I have at least two books that I'm at some point in reading. Always.

5. I once had a job as a tour guide in a pulp mill.

6. As a child, I liked mashed potatoes with dill pickles. I still do.

The Customer Is Always Right...

but the service is still the shits.


My friend Aaron once suggested to me that at least 5% of the population is unemployable. I actually think the number might be higher, say, 7 - 10 % of the popluation should not be working, for reasons such as mental or physical issues, poor attitude, chronic laziness, or simply dumb-as-a-rock. Now when the unemployment rate dips below this number, you can bet your ass that some of these unemployable folk have found themselves jobs.

Are businesses using "labor shortage" as an excuse for sub-standard service? I think so. Worse yet, we, the customers, are expected to just nod our heads and agree with these businesses, and accept that service is just going to be terrible. I disagree. I can accept that I might have to wait a little longer for staff to serve me as a result of staffing shortgages, but because a business is short staffed doesn't mean I am going to accept rude behavior or terrible service.

I'm not talking about the waitress-having-a-bad-day kind of poor service. My complaint is the glaringly obvious issues that come up each and every day.

For example, you will find two types of salespeople out there. Ask a salesperson a question they probably won't know the answer to, but valid to whatever you are thinking of buying. One type will say "Gee, I don't know, but let me ask someone who will". The other type will say "Duh... I dunno" and then stand there looking at you as though you should just forget about your question and move on with shelling out your hard-earned money.

I'm horrified at the number of employees who seem to think there is nothing wrong with wearing their Ipod while serving customers. Or the gum-chewing, bubble-blowing vacant-eyed folks who will be happy to assist you, as soon as they finish this one quick text message. Or the cashiers who ring through $150 worth of groceries without even acknowedging the customer, because they are too busy flirting with the pimply-faced stud bagging the groceries.

If my words strike a chord with you, I urge you to join me in open rebellion! Jaded customers of the world (or only Alberta), UNITE! My plan goes like this - if you experience a problem, report it to management. Do so politely, but firmly, and follow up with a phone call or email to the corporate office for the company.

If nothing else, you might get a discount on your next bad experience.

Just Call Me "Crash"

Okay, well, I've been roaming around all winter feeling like I've had a big target on my truck. You see, it's been more than 7 years since my last car accident, and the way people have been driving lately, I've had the feeling like they were aiming for me. I even took the time out to objectively evaluate my own driving habits, to see if maybe I'm the maniac behind the wheel. Nope, not me. I haven't been speeding, I've been obeying traffic signals, I shoulder-check.

So this past Sunday, I'm sitting in the turning lane on Calgary Trail South at 23rd Avenue (AKA Edmonton's worst intersection). There I am, minding my own business, and BAM! Some chick rear-ends me. No warning screech of brakes, nothing. She hit me hard enough to knock my foot of the brake. Good thing I paid attention to the lectures on following distance in drivers ed....

Well, I get out, look at the truck (now known as "The Tank"). There's a small crack in the rubber on the bumper step, and my wiring harness bracket for my tow package is bent and loose. Better get that checked.

Then I turn to the car that hit me. The driver is in front of her car, cursing and swearing. As for her car, the front bumper is broken completely in half, the hood is kind of peeled back, and I'd bet money on the frame being bent. And the driver is ranting about how unfair this all is. Yeah, I couldn’t agree more.

She explains to me that she just got this new puppy, and he bit her finger, and she looked down, and well, she's really sorry. Sorry? I've had a headache since Sunday. I can't turn my head to the left. She's sorry. She's a new-ish driver. Her car is only 3 months old, a 2008 Mitsubishi Lancer. Her mom cosigned and is on her insurance, too. She swears she's going to give up driving.

Here's my pet theory on drivers exams: Multi-task or fail. Make people take road tests in a car with a manual transmission. Put a cell phone in one hand and a burger in the other, a cup of coffee on the dash (remember License to Drive?). Have the spouse in the passenger seat to nag.. er.. I mean, provide directions, at least 2 screaming kids in the back seat of the car who are alternating between kicking the driver's seat and trying to cover the driver's eyes, and at least one small pet loose in the interior. And you have to change CDs at least twice while shifting. If you can't manage this, you don't get a license.

Until they introduce such a system, we'll keep giving drivers ed lessons and road tests in a quiet car so the driver can concentrate on what they are doing. Once they pass, we'll turn them loose with no restrictions on cell phone use or eating while driving. I'll bet the first thing a new driver does on the road home is call their friends to share the news.

Just call me "Crash".